I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
