So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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