And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
