anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
