My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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