Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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