Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
