Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
