Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize