i think my tv is drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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