THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
