i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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