great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
