I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
