Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize