1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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