I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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