You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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