I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
