the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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