only you would photoshop your dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
