can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
