so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a hot homeless man
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
