Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
