that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
