I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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