last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
