I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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