you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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