So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
