Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
