thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
