You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
