omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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