YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
