I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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