why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
