did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
