Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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