You smell like stripper and shame
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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