once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
