return my video game
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
