Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
