I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
