i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
