I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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