Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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