put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
