My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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