R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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