I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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