He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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