3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
