you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
