did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
