Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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