pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
