Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
