An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The adults are the big ones right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
