My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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