I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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