her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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