I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
