Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
