Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
