you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
