on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
