My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
