We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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