im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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