I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
