i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
