I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize