The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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