First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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