Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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