I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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