Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
