Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
