You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
