my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
