saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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