His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
