You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
