Can i not drive my cunt home
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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