I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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