This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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