so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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