I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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