I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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