I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
