it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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