woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
