Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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